I just wanted to say that I haven’t forgotten about you and that my poor excuse is that I’ve been in transition and haven’t been able to sit down and blog. But again, that’s a poor excuse.
But I promise to get back on this weekend and get on it!
Love,
Me
I finally bought a non-bootleg version of Photoshop. It’s beautiful! 
So to test it out before I start on my graphic design jobs, I made some new headers for the mama blog (i.e. this one) and its partner, The Happy Side.
I’m sure I’ll keep giving it facelifts as it goes, but hooray for some personalization!
Sort of.
I’ve been feeling lately that my blog comes off like I’m going through a huge identity crisis. One minute I’m writing sad poetry and the next minute I’m talking about guys hitting on me. And yes, I’m going through a lot of emotions right now, but even I’m starting to get even more emotionally confused through this blog.
So I finally decided to split my blog in two, because I ultimately DO have a happy side that sometimes gets hidden amongst all of the reflection and emo poetry on this one.
Here’s the deal.
1.) The Happy Side – will, well, reflect on the happy side of life and of me (aptly named, don’t you think?). This will generally mean my discoveries from exploring the city, meeting people, getting hit on by sleazy guys, and so forth. I’ll be more candid and probably use bad words.
2.) Hippie in Bloom – will remain reflective and emo. It will also be where I talk about teaching and the challenges and triumphs associated with that.
Some posts will ultimately overlap. Some will compliment each other. And some will just not relate to each other at all. But that’s fine.
I just needed somewhere else to write down my more silly adventures and keep it separate from my reflective nature so that I don’t feel or sound like a confused teenager with raging hormones (I probably still having raging hormones, but am definitely no longer a teenagers).
So read one or the other, read both. Either way, I’ll still be around 
My friend recently posted a rather brilliant post (I think – but I could be biased) about this whole… “it’s complicated” relationship status that Facebook has had since day 1. And really… who seriously decides to openly admit on Facebook that “it’s complicated” with their significant other (or pseudo-significant other… because if “it’s complicated” then the assumption is that there’s some weird force field – or emotional immaturity – that is preventing your significant other from really being your significant other… right?).
Anyways, I’m reposting her blog post here because I think it makes you say “duh” but at the same time, kind of funny and puts things into perspective. I have no ownership over the text after “–” so you’ll have to go to her actual blog to read more from her.
ps. ”[insert name] is too emotionally immature/unstable to be in a relationship” cracked me up.
–
Seriously, what could possibly be more complicated than actually being in a relationship? Are you in the process of breaking up? Are you sort of wanting to be in a relationship? Are you just taking advantage of him/her? And if your girlfriend/boyfriend cheated on you, it shouldn’t be complicated–it should be “[insert name] is now Single”.
I suggest Facebook get rid of “It’s Complicated” and incorporate one of these new relationship statuses:
please help me
define the word “self-worth”
i know it in my head
i know it in my mind
every cell in my being understands this
it seems to have disappeared
floating away like a red balloon
a crushed piggy bank with no internal organs
an invisible friend only you know about
we were friends once upon a time
come back and make me whole
i lost my heart and my soul
i lost my worth
can you help me find it please?
It would be an understatement to say that I am only slightly obsessed with Nicki Minaj‘s Super Bass.
It may also, however, be due in part because of this amazing video by the DIVAstators. They’re all rockin’ it, but really – no one can beat the big guy in the striped tie. He is a Diva and he is Fabulous.
This is true on so many levels that it’s almost actually sad. Or maybe I’m the sad and pathetic one in my 20s. Yeah, I think that’s what it is. Thanks, xkcd. Thanks.
from xkcd.com
A few weeks ago, I posted about how one of my dearest friends sent me flowers.
The weekend or two following that, I got to enjoy it bloom into spectrums of pink and purple and was inspired to take up painting again. I figured I’d share some – just for kicks and as a reminder to myself that I am loved.
Today is a bitter sweet day. But perhaps that is why that Higher Being decided to shower me with love from my students and remind me about my flowers.
ps. No, I don’t think I’m the next DaVinci. I’m not math-y enough to be as cool as Leonardo. Maybe the next Picasso. He had his moments. I have mine. If he can Still Life With a Guitar then I can paint purple flowers. No offense to the DaVinci and Picasso lovers out there. I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about.
The bouquet in full bloom!
Choosing one as a model. Pretty Purple Petals. Alliteration!
I tried. This is like my third try. If you haven't noticed, I'm not a painter.
It has recently (well not really) come to my attention that those who know me may wonder why I blog.
I’ve heard the cons against blogging – it’s making your private, personal business public, it screams “look at me,” and all other ways you could say that it’s self-serving.
There are also pros associated with blogging – travel blogs allow friends and family to keep in touch, photo blogs display a photographers work for free, and you might find your night’s dinner recipe/restaurant on a food blog.
I’ve been blogging on and off for 10 years now (I just used my hands to count the years that I’ve been blogging and I just shocked myself on how many years I’ve been doing it). I’m one of those who started off with Xanga at a time when most bloggers used a black background with neon font colors and wrote posts about how they were sad and depressed and wanted to die (depressing, but true. I also just googled Xanga – I didn’t realize it still exists). And then I graduated to Blogspot because I 
felt it was more legitimate or something (I try to justify my actions a lot, mostly to myself). And then finally in the summer of 2008, I switched to WordPress because it had a cleaner interface and was easier to use. It also felt professional.
I used to blog just for the heck of it, writing even though I had no specific audience in mind. Then I started blogging more about theater and Broadway. When my blog moved servers, it was used for the purposes of communicating musical and technological discoveries. And now it takes the form of what you see in front of you – a conglomeration of personal, public, musical, technological, and life discoveries, a way to document my thoughts over the years as well as an opportunity to reflect.
I’m drawn to blogging because I like to write. I have always enjoyed writing since I was teeny tiny (teeny tinier than I am now), and once my typing skills improved, I enjoyed the fact that my fingers could keep up with my thoughts, at least most of the time. It’s not rare for my fingers to get ahead of my brain.
On a similar note (I actually don’t know how similar this note will be to the words previously typed) – I’m a relatively private person in general. I don’t mean that blogging is my means of communicating with the outside world, but I mean that we all use technology in a different way. Some use Facebook status updates to tell you how they’re feeling (or where they are doing what with whom… usually information we don’t want or need). Others use tweets. I blog.
Granted, I know could write in the privacy of my journal; there is no need to blast my thoughts and feelings to the world. And I do. I write and I draw in my journal.
But blogging is not a matter of making my private feelings public.
It is about sharing words.
It is about therapy.
Yes, there are moments when certain written pieces may feel unnecessarily personal – a poem to express how you feel, a piece reflecting on your day, or a personal rant.
But for me, the beauty of blogging is interacting with the words. This is why I write poetry. This is why I can’t always hand write. And this is why I want to share it. The words flow out and my hands can’t keep up.
It’s also just a clean, organized way to track your thoughts.
And there are those little thrills when your inbox tells you that some random person has “liked” or “commented” on a poem or a piece you wrote.
You’re reaching out with your words and someone receives you. Therapy.
Blogging is about communicating how I feel or what I’m thinking to myself and to those who care to listen. There is always a choice to engage in reading a blog. You don’t have to read it. But if you choose to do so, then please enjoy and hopefully you’ll receive me as I will you.
Chances are, I’ll continue blogging. And as another 10 years goes by, the reason I blog will change. Maybe you’ll read my trials and tribulations about grad school and living on the East Coast, and then I’ll find that guy and it’ll be filled with baby stuff.
But for all I know and remember, I’ve blogged for half of my life and my words have been my best friend. It’s just what I do.
